Sweigart Report: Starfire Water | Vol. 3 / No. 20.1

Because your water needs to be spun with magnets for full efficacy.

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This one comes courtesy of redditor EmperorXenu over at reddit’s inimitable r/skeptic community, whose masterful commentary on the matter is “I think we’ve hit a woo singularity.”

Do you want your water to have magical properties? Sure, we all do. But until now that has been out of reach of the normal, every day human. It’s been reserved for highly-educated pseudoscientists and other rare organizations. But now, you too can own your own magical water, water that… Look I don’t actually know what’s special about this water, and I’ll be damned if I’m going to read this site to find out. My eyes started bleeding from the crazy after a minute and a half. But here’s some clips because it’s totally batsh*t insane.

Our process utilizes a centrifugal vortex to implode the water and set the water in motion for several hours. This reorganizes the molecular order into a receptive state to receive high frequency vibration. The water is then passed through a chamber where magnetic resonance imprints a series of frequencies in an infinitely modulating sequence. Molecular order and frequency loading mutually reinforce each other to maintain the transformation of the water. 

[…]

Vortex flows show the sensitivity of water to external forces. The speed of movement of water in a vortex has a rhythm of its own; it extends and contracts in a rhythmic pulsation. The vortex is really composed of a series of flowing surfaces (like the ropes) all binding together as if by an invisible hand.

These flowing surfaces move at different speeds, slow on the outside and fast on the inside. The speed of movement of water in a vortex multiplied by the radius from the center is a constant.

This means that as forces in a perfect vortex approach infinity, the hydrogen bonds of the water molecule cannot sustain the pressure difference and begin to stretch and weaken. The larger clusters of water molecules are thus broken apart into smaller clusters of water molecules.

Starfire Water, ladies and gentlemen.

Happy Monday.

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Richard Ford Burley is a human, writer, and doctoral candidate at Boston College, as well as an editor at Ledger, the first academic journal devoted to Bitcoin and other cryptocurrencies. In his spare time he writes about science, skepticism, feminism, and futurism here at This Week In Tomorrow.